


The Only Truth (Is That Everybody Lies)

by Imagined



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Civil War (Marvel), Protective Loki (Marvel), Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 05:34:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13381251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imagined/pseuds/Imagined
Summary: Tony gets home from the cold of Siberia with mind-numbing grief and burning betrayal. The only thing he wants is for the lies to stop. That may not be as easy as it seems, when the God of Lies is your lover.He’s really starting to loath the lies. A lot of people he’s ever trusted have betrayed him now. Stane was the worst, Tony used to think. He thinks that maybe now, it’s Steve. He’s spent a lifetime looking up to the guy, following him, even becoming friends with him. Steve is what is considered the epitome of virtues, and truth is one of those, the last time Tony checked. And if you can’t trust Captain America, who can you trust?Not the God of Lies, Tony thinks hollowly. Not if he wants the lies out of his life.In which Loki does not lie.





	The Only Truth (Is That Everybody Lies)

**Author's Note:**

> Because I kept thinking about people lying to Tony. And then found myself thinking about what that would be like, if your lover was the actual god of Lies. And then I didn't want to make myself sad again.
> 
> Because I only write when listening to music, title is based on 'Everybody Lies' by Jason Walker.

Tony gets home. Eventually.

His rage has dulled to a sharp sadness, poisonous and terrible. It’s numbing, which is not what he expected of a scarred wound being ripped open again. He used to think he had some closure over his parents’ untimely deaths.

Maybe he had, but hearing – or seeing, actually – they are victims of HYDRA was something that makes every grief Tony has ever felt for his parents return to him.

Not that it matters, in the end. Barnes isn’t responsible, and logically he knows this. And if he really wanted to kill him, back there, Tony could have. Not that Steve wanted to see that, apparently. It just – he doesn’t know how to feel, knowing he will never regain any kind of closure over his parents’ deaths again. Because there is no one he can give justice to. It’s HYDRA, but HYDRA is gone. HYDRA isn’t a person that Tony can kill, or if he feels benevolent, imprison. His parents are gone, and he is going to have to deal with it, decades after it happened.

And well, he can do that. Tony’s had so many nightmares now that one more won’t make a difference. He’s not a child anymore, in need of guidance. He’s not going to keel over and die with one more betrayal. 

But he’s really starting to loath the lies. A lot of people he’s ever trusted have betrayed him now. Stane was the worst, Tony used to think. He thinks that maybe now, it’s Steve. He’s spent a lifetime looking up to the guy, following him, even becoming friends with him. Steve is what is considered the epitome of virtues, and truth is one of those, the last time Tony checked. And if you can’t trust Captain America, who can you trust?

Not the God of Lies, Tony thinks hollowly. Not if he wants the lies out of his life.

Lies, Tony can’t handle anymore. None of them. Not from the people he trusts.

‘’Stark,’’ a voice says. Tony’s sitting on his bed in his room in the Avengers Compound, but all he wants to do is leave this place and go to a real home. A hand touches his shoulder, warily, as if Tony’s a wild animal. The other hand comes to rest on his cheek, after Tony makes no move. ‘’Stark. I heard about what happened.’’

Tony finally looks up. Loki stands in front of him, in his customary black clothing. His hair is flowing freely, which is how Tony likes it best. His green eyes are piercing him, as if trying to get through Tony. Reading him.

‘’Yeah,’’ he says, after a few seconds. Rhodey’s a few rooms away, but it’s unlikely they’ll be interrupted. If Rhodey even manages to walk as far as Tony’s room, that is. Which Tony doubts.

Loki doesn’t ask him if he’s alright, or how he feels. He simply slides next to Tony on the bed and allows Tony to rest his head against him. ‘’Do I need to kill someone for you?’’ Loki remarks casually, after they’ve been sitting in silence for maybe half an hour.

Tony huffs out a short laugh against his own will. He doesn’t want to laugh. He wants to say what he has to say and be done with it. He wants to sleep and not wake up again. He wants everything to go back the way it was, when the Avengers were still together and it was easy. When he was still sneaking around with Loki, and didn’t care whether Loki told him lies.

‘’No,’’ he manages to answer. ‘’No. That’s not going to help anything.’’

‘’Explain to me what happened,’’ Loki says. Or well, demands, really. Tony closes his eyes and leans into Loki a bit more.

‘’Short version? People started to realize the Avengers were a loose cannon. Steve disagreed.’’

‘’And you didn’t?’’ Loki presses.

Tony shrugs. ‘’No. The Avengers are dangerous. We’re all volatile on the team, and we don’t always agree. This wasn’t an ideal option, but I agree that there must be some kind of control. If people don’t feel in control, they’re going to do worse to us.’’

Loki hums, sneaking a hand under Tony’s shirt. The cold feeling of it makes him shiver.

‘’That’s not the worst of it,’’ Tony says, taking Loki’s hand and returning it to him. Loki’s gaze is sharp, but he does not make an attempt to return the hand to where it was going. ‘’I found out that Steve’s buddy Bucky killed my parents.’’ 

There. The truth is out. He’s not said it out loud yet, to himself. The words are harsh and bitter on his tongue. Now someone else knows as well.

Loki blinks at him, his head tilting that way he does when he’s trying to figure something out. Tony knows the look on his face all too well. He’s been doing this dance with Loki for years now, even if they’ve never put a name to it. 

‘’And you said I didn’t need to kill someone for you,’’ Loki drawls out. ‘’Tony. Whatever you need. I am here for you, you know.’’

‘’Do I?’’ Tony snaps. ‘’I don’t know jackass, apparently. All I know is that people lie to me. Stane has lied to me, years and years and years. He was like a father to me, you know? Yinsen lied to me, about escaping. Fury has lied to us, about a death of a man we respected. Everyone lies. I do too, so why the hell should we care, right? And now Steve lies too. There is no one to trust. There’s no one who’s going to be honest with me, at this point.’’

‘’You don’t believe me,’’ Loki says, eyes narrowing.

Tony stands up, pacing. Loki watches him from the bed. ‘’No. Should I? Should I trust the God of Lies not to tell me lies?’’

‘’I am not just that,’’ Loki says, standing up. ‘’I am on your side, Tony. But it appears to me that you are beyond reason, at this point. Perhaps I should just leave you.’’

Tony deflates, all of a sudden. He doesn’t know what he wants, or what he’s doing.

‘’I am done with being lied to,’’ he says softly. Instead of sitting on the bed, he drops himself to the floor. He doesn’t know if Loki is still there or not, as he rests his head against his knees, breathing heavily. Tony kind of thinks another anxiety attack is on its way. He had one earlier, when spending time with Rhodey. Keeping it hidden from his friend was not easy, but Tony is determined to let Rhodey worry as minimally as possible about him and just focus on healing.

Loki is still there, apparently, as he crouches in front of him. ‘’Tony, look at me,’’ Loki whispers.

Tony looks up.

Loki has an expression on his face that speaks of worry. His head is still cocked, as if trying to figure someone out.

‘’I realize my reputation, and my actions, do not allow you trust me like you might have someone else. But I had hoped that the time I spent with you, these past few years, have proven to you that I do not merely lie. And I had hoped that you might have realized that my actions speak for themselves, too. I do not come back to you for your appearance or your prowess in bed, Tony, even if I happen to enjoy them. I care about you. And that is the truth.’’

‘’How do I know that?’’ Tony asks, voice hoarse. He doesn’t want to ask it, really. He wants to trust Loki, because he enjoys their time together too. He likes Loki, for things beyond the reason they fell into bed together for the first time.

Loki doesn’t seem annoyed or hurt, however. He merely smiles. ‘’You can’t. Things like truth and lies have the pesky habit of showing themselves to be truth or lies only later on. Sometimes, we will never know for sure. You can trust me on this, or you can’t. But true trust? The trust that knows no boundaries? That is a lie, Tony. Trust like that doesn’t exist. And rightly, it shouldn’t. Everyone has their own agendas, as covert or harmless they may seem. Trusting with your heart and without reason is foolish.’’

‘’Then this entire thing is meaningless,’’ Tony says, heart sinking. 

Loki sits down next to him, on the floor now, a solid weight against Tony’s shoulders. ‘’It’s not,’’ the god murmurs. ‘’Because just because we never can truly put our full trust in someone, doesn’t mean they will betray that trust. You have friends left. And you have me.’’

‘’And what are you, exactly?’’ Tony only just dares ask. ‘’To me, I mean.’’

Loki turns his head so that his lips are touching Tony’s cheek, following the trail of his goatee. They stop at his ear. ‘’I am whatever you want me to be,’’ Loki whispers. 

‘’I want you to stay,’’ Tony says. He doesn’t know how long he means, or even what he means by it. He doesn’t want to be alone, and moreover, he wants to be not alone with Loki. Because if there’s one thing that he knows by now, it is that when he’s with Loki, he’s feeling better.

Loki shifts, and suddenly he’s on Tony’s lap, fingers tracing the bruises on Tony’s face. ‘’As you wish,’’ Loki says, and there’s a glint in his eyes before he’s kissing Tony.

Tony holds onto Loki for dear life.

Maybe he can’t trust Loki. But god, he wants to.

He wants to, and who knows, maybe he can. It’s time for Tony to trust someone that hasn’t been trusted in a long time, he thinks. Maybe it’ll be good for both of them.

Everybody lies, and that’s a truth – but not every _thing_ is lies. And Tony will hold onto that particular wisdom in the aftermath of falsehoods and betrayals.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! If you want to talk to me on tumblr, you can find me under [tonystarrks](https://tonystarrks.tumblr.com/) :)


End file.
